


I Didn’t Know

by RootsArrow (SparklingDarkAngel)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kiss, Getting Together, Lena and Kara talk about their feelings instead of bottling them up, Love Confessions, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-08 07:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21472267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingDarkAngel/pseuds/RootsArrow
Summary: What happens when two scared people keep secrets from each other? Everything blows up, and they both get hurt. One bad dream pushes Lena to start trying to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Lena Luthor/Kara Danvers
Comments: 9
Kudos: 167





	1. The Explosion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LenaDanvers73](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenaDanvers73/gifts).

It was the same every night since her brother had ripped the blindfold from over her eyes. “You’re just a Luthor!” Kara screamed, slamming her palms into the table hard enough to indent. It wasn’t Supergirl. There was no swishing capes or fancy crests. This was Kara Danvers looking her best, sporting those glasses and button-ups that Lena had come to associate with her closest friend (and her crush, but Lena wasn’t about to start going down that rabbit hole). “Nothing good is ever going to come from you!”

And then she woke up, heart racing and legs tangled up in her silk sheets. The last thing she saw in her mind was always Kara’s eyes full of hatred and disgust. In her frustration, she ripped the blanket from her bed and threw it across the room. She grabbed the cup of water she kept on her nightstand and downed it. It did nothing to relax her. 

Lena didn’t have her virtual reality anymore. She couldn’t escape into a world where she was the one on top; the one in control. There she had been able to physically strike out against Kara. _You can’t hurt me here_, her fists said. _No one can hurt me ever again._

With that option gone, Lena clutched her knees to her chest and screamed. Hope wouldn’t bother her. She had been specifically ordered not to. Lena was free to scream herself hoarse if it meant she could expel the pain caused by her broken heart. All it ever did though was wear her out until she passed out again. 

Today, however, was different. She had been reading through Lex’s personal journal when she came across yet another passage about herself. It shouldn’t have surprised her anymore how little regard Lex had for her, but it did, and it hurt each time. 

She’s been like a defenseless baby ever since Father brought her home. I know she has far more potential than that. I push her; put her in a dark corner wounded and scared, she’ll lash out like a wild animal. Now I just need to figure out how to channel that darkness towards a purpose, and there is so much darkness inside her. 

“Psychopath,” Lena grumbled, pulling herself out of her shell. She had adored her brother as a child. It seemed like everyone she adored betrayed her lately. It sucked royally. 

With a grunt, Lena pulled herself out of bed. She likely wasn’t going to get any more sleep, so that left the question of what to do next. She could go back to her lab, back to work, but she was exhausted. Already she had spent countless hours pouring over her studies, bleeding her brain dry. Sleep didn’t refresh her anymore. Nothing did. 

Well, there was one thing that she hadn’t tried yet. It had worked in the past, but she wasn’t too keen on the idea anymore. Over the past few years, she had turned to Kara when she was down, but that was before Kara was Supergirl- before Lena was the enemy and therefore not to be trusted. 

Before she could second guess herself, her phone was in her hand, and she was calling Kara on speed-dial. “Lena? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” the alien answered. 

“Yes,” Lena replied, her voice hoarse. “Well, no. I just- can you please just come over here?”

There was a thud on her balcony, then Kara Danvers was at her side, stirring up the air and dust around her. Her gentle hands pulled at Lena’s arms, and then the youngest Luthor was wrapped in a giant hug. “I’m here,” Kara whispered. “I’ve got you.”

“Do you?” Lena questioned, pulling herself out of the embrace. “Because when Supergirl yelled at me for defending myself from Reign with Kryptonite, I didn’t know that it was you, Kara, who was rejecting me, saying you didn’t trust me, that we weren’t on the same side. But now I do! You were my world, and you were too much of a coward to admit how you really felt about me!”

Kara looked like she had been slapped across the face, hard. “Lena, I don’t-“

“Let me finish,” Lena growled. “You... you were the one person I thought actually loved me. But you never did, did you? How could you? I’m a Luthor. This is all just some game to you, isn’t it? You didn’t trust me, and yet you tricked me into thinking I could trust you one-hundred percent.” Lena paused, taking in a few ragged breaths. Tears ran down her cheeks, though she barely noticed them in her tirade. “You broke my heart,” she whispered mournfully. 

Suddenly, all the pain couldn’t stay trapped inside her body anymore. Lena screamed and struck out at Kara‘s chest with her palm. She expected it to hurt, but to her surprise the Girl of Steel moved away as if she had actually been pushed. For some reason, that just pissed the youngest Luthor off even more. She struck out again, only to have Kara once again move with her touch. Over and over again Lena tried, but Kara wouldn’t let her get a hit in or even react until the Kryptonian had been backed into a wall. When Lena raised her arm again, Kara grabbed at her elbow and pinned her to her chest to keep Lena from hurting herself. “Let me go!” Lena screamed, batting at Kara’s chest uselessly with her hands. 

After a few minutes of struggling, Lena collapsed in Kara’s hold, body shaking. Kara slowly lowered them to the floor so she could cradle Lena in her lap. “Oh Lena, I didn’t know,” she whispered mournfully. “You’ve been hurting so much, and I didn’t know. It’s all my fault too. I should have just been honest with you, but you’re right Lena. I am a coward.”

Physically exhausted, Lena sagged against Kara and stared up at her with dull eyes. “Never thought I’d hear Supergirl say that,” she said dryly. 

“That’s because Supergirl isn’t supposed to be a coward,” Kara responded. “If the good people of National City knew that, how could I ask them to put their faith in me? The truth is, I’m scared all the time. It’s not a God complex. I am terrified of failing, because what will happen to the world if I do? Rao only knows what will happen to the people I care about when I’m killed- and that’s a when, not an if because I am going to die someday in battle. My enemies are getting stronger everyday, and one day they’re going to overpower me. But that’s no excuse for how I acted, Lena, and I am so sorry. I do trust you, and I do... I do love you.”

Lena sighed under the weight of Kara’s words. “That’s some pretty heavy stuff, Supergirl,” she said. “I didn’t realize. All the trauma of watching your whole planet die and being betrayed by your own parents- I should have realized all the anxiety and survivor’s guilt that would cause anyone.”

“My mental health was never your responsibility,” Kara replied. “And I never should have lashed out at you like that.”

“I forgive you, Kara,” Lena said, and the words felt like the weight of a mountain falling off her shoulders. “Did you mean it when you said you love me?”

Kara nodded. “I did. From the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul, I love you Lena Luthor.”

“I love you too,” Lena replied, then leaned up to pull Kara’s lips against her own. Kara just melted into the kiss as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The kiss was salty, mixed with the tears of both women, but also sweet in a way Lena had never experienced before. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” she admitted, pushing her face against the Kryptonian’s neck. 

Kara laced her fingers through Lena’s hair. “Me too,” she replied. “This has been a lot of emotion for one night. What do you say we both get some sleep, and in the morning we can talk about us?”

“Don’t leave me,” Lena begged, hating how pathetic her voice sounded. “I can’t sleep anymore. Every time I do, I dream that you hate me.”

Arms tightened around her as Kara whispered, “I could never hate you, Lena.”

The two women stumbled to their feet and made their way to Lena’s bed. Mentally drained, Lena collapsed while Kara retrieved the sheet she had thrown earlier and tucked it around her. Exhaustion pulled at Lena, and her vision blurred as she watched Kara settle next to her. “Go to sleep,” she coaxed Lena. “The monsters can’t hurt you any more.”


	2. Picking Up The Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was originally going to be 2 chapters, but as I was writing it I decided it really needed a third one to wrap it all up.

Coming back to consciousness was like being birthed. Lena’s head was in agony from the lack of sleep and crying. She groaned, trying to remember what happened last night until she became aware of a warm body pressed up against her, spooning her.

“Good morning, Lena,” said Kara.

Lena cracked her eyes open. Sleep was calling to her, but the sound of Kara’s voice and the smell of coffee were irresistible. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and looked down on the Kryptonian. In the morning light, she could see the little scar by Kara’s eye and the crinkle in her brow behind her messy bangs. Yes this was Supergirl, but it was also Kara, something Lena had lost sight of in all her pain.

“I made you some coffee; black, just how you like it,” Kara told her. “I also brought some Advil. Crying hangovers are pretty bad.”

The youngest Luthor turned to her nightstand where Kara had left the drink and the medicine. She eagerly downed the coffee like a starving woman, also making sure to swallow the pill. “Thank you, Kara.”

“It’s the least I could do, you know, considering everything.”

Lena sighed. This was going to be a hard conversation. “It was Lex who told me you were Supergirl,” she admitted, deciding it was best to get that out of the way with first.

Kara blinked. “It... what?”

“Lex had that damn watch on him when he fell. You didn’t know it, but I did. I’m the monster’s sister after all. And I knew exactly where he would go, right back to the base of his operations. So I was waiting for him, and when he got there I shot him.” Lena fell silent for a moment before continuing. “I suppose that makes me a monster too.”

“No, Lena,” Kara rushed to assure her. “You stopped the monster, even when Supergirl couldn’t. You are still the kind, beautiful soul I have always known. What happened with Lex doesn’t change anything.”

Lena shook her head slightly to make her disagreement known. Of course Kara didn’t know about Eve, trapped inside her own body against her will by an A.I. of Lena’s own making. That was a conversation for another day. She continued with her brother. “As soon as he knew he was dying, he told me that you were Supergirl. He even had video proof too. And in that moment, I felt like I was dying too.”

Kara looked stricken. “Oh Rao, I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“He convinced me that I was fool; that you weren’t my friend at all. I thought Kara was just a facade so that Supergirl could get close to me. I thought- I thought you just never cared at all.” By the time she was done speaking, Lena was on the edge of tears.

“Hey,” Kara interjected gently, her own face turning pink from holding back tears. “You- you can’t believe that. Please tell me you don’t believe that,” she begged.

Lena shook her head. “I did,” she admitted. “But no. Everything you’ve done since telling me that you’re Supergirl says otherwise.”

With that, Kara sighed a little in relief. “You know, Supergirl- she’s just what I can do. I am Kara, and none of that was pretend. I told you that I would always protect you, and I haven’t. Lex cut you deeply where I couldn’t see, and for that I am so, so sorry.”

The youngest Luthor blinked, and a fat tear fell from her lashes. “He was sadistic in a way neither of us could predict, and all he did was play on old wounds. And I fell for it.” She threw herself at Kara, hugging her steel shoulders tight. “I just want to stop hurting.”

“I’ll be back in a second,” Kara replied, a determined look on her face before flying away, leaving Lena all alone again. She took the opportunity to walk to the bathroom and splash her face with water. Her eyes were pink and puffy, and her makeup from last night was smeared. She scrubbed at it gently, hoping to look a little cleaner by the time Kara returned.

Supergirl wasn’t exactly subtle. When she returned, it could be heard throughout the whole penthouse. Lena ran out to see her friend in the kitchen, cradling a large bowl in her arms.The smell was familiar and comforting.

“Is that... is that brioche bread and butter pudding?” Lena asked.

Kara nodded. “I remember you said your mom used to make it for you when you were scared and had a nightmare. I know it won’t make things better between us, but I want to offer some comfort.”

The smell was too tempting to resist. Lena got out a little spoon and took a bite. It had been a long time since she’d had the sweet treat of her childhood, and it was just as good as she remembered. “I can’t believe you remembered,” she said, amazed.

“I remember everything you say,” Kara replied earnestly.

Lena met her eyes, and before she knew what she was doing she had crossed the distance between them to meet her lips. The kiss was firmer than the one they shared last night. Kara pushed into it, trying to communicate the emotions she couldn’t put into words: the guilt, the grief, and the overwhelming love.

When the two parted, Lena was breathless. “You didn’t betray me, Kara,” she whispered. “I see that now. You made mistakes because you were scared, but so does everyone.”

“I love you, Lena,” Kara said. “If you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

The youngest Luthor reached forward to wrap the Girl of Steel in a soft hug. “I love you too,” she told her. “And I want to be with you. Kara, we have the rest of our lives, because you are _not_ going to die in battle. You said you would always protect me, and I’m going to protect you too. A Luthor and a Super- there’s no one out there who can defeat us.”

Kara shuddered slightly in Lena’s hold. She tightened her grip, holding Lena as if she were the only solid ground. Lena meant every word she said. She would protect Kara until her dying breath. Nothing would stop her. Now it was time to face up to her own mistakes.

“Kara, you know how I said everyone makes mistakes because they’re scared? There’s something I need to tell you.”


	3. Together We’ll Make Something Stronger, Something New

To Kara’s credit, she didn’t panic. She just looked at Lena with sad eyes and asked, “What happened?”

Lena raised her voice. “Hope, would you please come in here?”

She could hear Eve’s footsteps on the stairs coming up, and a fresh wave of guilt hit her. Non Nocere was about doing no harm, but how could she say no harm was done to Eve? Sure the girl was alive inside. Hope made sure of that. The AI was smart. No physical harm would come to Eve with Hope inside, but mentally? Lena didn’t know. 

Kara gasped. “Eve Tessmacher?” she asked. A gust of wind flew by Lena’s ear, and suddenly Kara was planted firmly between the two in a defensive position, ready to protect Lena. “What are you doing here,” she demanded. 

Hope scrunched Eve’s face up in clear confusion. “Ms. Luthor, I don’t understand. What are you doing?”

Without even a second’s hesitation, Lena answered. “Terminate Eve protocol.”

Eve’s mouth dropped open, and all the tiny little nano bites that made up Hope’s physical interface came tumbling harmlessly out. They gathered together, forming a holographic face. “Eve protocol terminated,” it echoed. 

“You psychopath!” Eve shouted, blinking rapidly. She stumbled a bit like she didn’t have full motor control back yet. “I told you, you could trust me! And then you stuffed your little computer inside my brain!”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Lena replied. “But also, I suppose that makes us even.”

“A betrayal for a betrayal,” Eve scoffed. “You Luthors always did have a flair for the dramatic.”

“I’m sorry, what is going on?” Kara interrupted. She was looking between Lena and Eve and Hope in confusion. “Lena, did you put an AI in Eve’s brain?”

“Yes!” Eve shouted, while Hope wisely stayed quiet. 

Lena nodded. “It’s true, Kara.”

Kara didn’t look angry or disgusted like Lena feared. She just looked sad. “Why?”

“Because I needed Eve’s help,” Lena admitted. “But I couldn’t exactly trust her after she shoved a gun in my face, now could I?” She directed the last part at Eve, who simply scowled. “Besides, she works for Leviathan.”

“Leviathan?” Kara asked, shocked. “Wait, you know about Leviathan?”

“I’ve been studying Lex’s notes,” she explained. “He was a monster, but he was a genius. I thought maybe I could take his knowledge and do something good for this world. And I did! But I needed J’onn’s brother for it.”

Now Kara crinkled her face in confusion. “But he’s in the Phantom Zone now.”

Lena shook her head. “No, Kara. I hijacked the Phantom Zone projector. He’s here, imprisoned downstairs.”

“You can’t keep a man like that locked up!” Kara exclaimed. “He’s too powerful! He’s going to break out and kill you!” She was frantic now. “I gotta go get my psychic inhibitors from the DEO. Don’t worry Lena, I’ll help you take care of this.”

“No!” Lena shouted, a little more forcefully than she intended. Her incepting device turned on, effectively gluing Kara to the spot. 

The Kryptonian’s eyes widened in fear, which hurt deeply. “What have you done to me?” she asked, slightly panicked. 

“No, no, no, Kara! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Lena rushed. “Hope, turn these things off!”

The interface flickered. “Powering down inceptors.”

Kara fell backwards, hard enough to dent the floor. Lena rushed to her side. “Are you hurt? Oh my God, I’m so sorry!”

“I’m alright,” Kara replied a little hesitantly. “What was that?”

“What I’ve been working on,” Lena answered. “I wanted to make people better by taking away their ability to cause harm. But now I’m scared that someone’s going to best it like Alex did at the DEO and hurt a whole world of people unable to defend themselves.”

“The attack on the DEO... that was you,” Kara realized. “And this is the real reason you wanted Lex’s journal I’m assuming.”

“Yes,” Lena admitted. “But it was a mad idea from the start, and truthfully, I only pursued it because I was so hurt that you hadn’t told me you were Supergirl. I just wanted to stop the hurting on a global scale.”

Tears were falling from her eyes now, and she expected Supergirl to turn away in disgust. Instead, Kara hugged her tightly. “I’m so sorry for hurting you. I even understand why you took this so far. And I’m so glad that you told me the truth.”

“What do I do now?” Lena asked. 

“I don’t know,” Kara admitted. “What you have is like a nuclear bomb: powerful, but possibly too powerful for this Earth. What I do know is that we’re going to figure this out together.”

“I’m here too,” Eve interrupted, and Lena felt a bit annoyed at her for intruding on the moment. 

“That’s right,” Kara said, still focused on Lena. “We’re gonna take Eve to the DEO, and we’re gonna fight Leviathan together. And we’re going to get J’onn and give him the opportunity to get through to his brother while he can do no harm. And from there, we’ll figure out where to go with your incepting technology. Together.”

“Together,” Lena repeated. “I’d like that.” She leaned forward and sealed their promise with a kiss. Come what may, they would face it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da! *throws confetti* Thank you to all who came on this journey with me. I will continue to reject canon and pretend this is what happened instead.


End file.
